Baby Blues (2013) Review

baby blues poster big

Stepped away from my beloved 80s camp horror films this month and decided to start making a dent in all the Asian horror movies I’ve got queued up in Netflix. I wish I could tell you I started off with a bang but this little lump of coal from China barely matched the hiss of a sparkler.

Baby Blues is about a young couple who moves into a new home. The previous owners left behind a creepy ass doll but the wife takes a bit of a shine to it. Despite the warnings of the homeless old man who lives in a box across the street, the couple settle in and soon become pregnant with twins! Unfortunately, one baby dies at birth. Double unfortunately, the wife’s cheese slips a bit off her cracker and she treats the doll like a baby – calling it Jimmy, after the twin newborn that died.

str2_lo_2810_p18_babyblues2
Does this doll make my boobs look too big?

Postpartum depression and all that can easily explain away her crazy pants. Except for the paranoid delusions about her husband hating Jimmy and that he has to die so that Jimmy can live. But whatever.

The real problem here is that there is some kind of malevolent spirit living in the doll. It influences the husband, a composer, to write weird music. It pushes the post-delivery wife over the edge. It somehow messed with the previous owner of the house (whose TWIN gives us the back story to the owners before that and they were TWINS and none of this is making any damn sense, is it?).

Eventually the husband bests the 14-inch figurine by roasting it in the hobo fire across the street, freeing his wife, and the world, from its evil influence.

Or does he??

I am, too, scary. Just look at these plastic eyes!
Hey, Mom! Dad! What are you guys doing…AAAHHHH!

UGH. What a terrible movie. Everything is wrong with this film – except the opening song. It IS creepy as hell. It’s the main theme, which in the film itself is more uptempo and sort of haunting. But at the beginning it’s sung acapella style and super slow and breathy. It’s the only good thing in the movie.

The rest is terrible. The characters are unsympathetic and just weak. We don’t care about them at all. The story is so overdone as to be laughable. And the doll action effects are CGI, which look terrible. The close up shots are of a real doll but it’s not terrifying. There was one scene where it’s trying to push the living baby over the balcony but it has to slowly nudge it across the living room. That was not CGI and I laughed my ass off watching it. But I don’t think they meant it to be funny.

I never felt frightened. I never cried or felt an emotional attachment to anyone or anything. So feel free to skip this stinker and rewatch Child’s Play or Puppet Master. You’ll thank me for it.

1 Hatchet (out of 10) – for the opening song.

9 thoughts on “Baby Blues (2013) Review

  1. Thanks for the heads up! I had added this to my list and was going to watch it. I love that your ratings are out of hatchets and I laughed out loud at the comment about her cheese slipping off her cracker, haha! I did listen to the intro music and it was creepy.

    Great review!

  2. I just queued this on Netflix all because of Raymond Lam. This guy is Hong Kong TV series idol. He has phenomenal acting skills, I just couldn’t believe such low ratings on Netflix. Guess, I have to believe it, right? Haha! I always hate to see stars like him shoot for something so much lower than what they are capable of….
    But, I think I’ll still watch this..haha!

  3. Me and my friend watched the beggining only up to the song lol it’s scary as hell and we just stopped after that and we did some research and this film is a true story and we read some more and people who have watched it heard noises after watching

  4. NOT WORTH BUYING OR WATCHING!!!

    I should of known not to play this movie on Netflix once I saw this cover.

    First: I have lived in China half of my life seeing a lot of different genres of Chinese movies and T.V. shows.

    Second: Not many Chinese actors and actress can actually act. For example: If they laugh about something (totally fake), if they cry (makes me laugh cause I’m not convinced).

    Third: When I saw the doll on the cover, I first thought “this is definitely not a Korean or Japanese Horror movie”.

    Now, I don’t usually comment any movies but I had to for this one cause I don’t usually see any Chinese movies on Netflix unless it happens to cross paths with me.

    Spoiler alert:
    Two characters are very stupid.
    The husband and wife didn’t head the older mans warning about living in the house.
    The women couldn’t figure out that doll could be evil once she saw blood under both of the dolls eyes.

    The producer obviously does not understand how to make a thriller movie:
    I could not finish after watching ‘BOBO’s car flipped and then once it landed on the ground the screen went blank for about 5 seconds and then you see the guy running to BOBO to get help.

    COME ON! A car being flipped then black screen and then skips the whole (OMG moment for the audience). I had to stop watching after that.

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