Stepped away from my beloved 80s camp horror films this month and decided to start making a dent in all the Asian horror movies I’ve got queued up in Netflix. I wish I could tell you I started off with a bang but this little lump of coal from China barely matched the hiss of a sparkler.
Baby Blues is about a young couple who moves into a new home. The previous owners left behind a creepy ass doll but the wife takes a bit of a shine to it. Despite the warnings of the homeless old man who lives in a box across the street, the couple settle in and soon become pregnant with twins! Unfortunately, one baby dies at birth. Double unfortunately, the wife’s cheese slips a bit off her cracker and she treats the doll like a baby – calling it Jimmy, after the twin newborn that died.
Postpartum depression and all that can easily explain away her crazy pants. Except for the paranoid delusions about her husband hating Jimmy and that he has to die so that Jimmy can live. But whatever.
The real problem here is that there is some kind of malevolent spirit living in the doll. It influences the husband, a composer, to write weird music. It pushes the post-delivery wife over the edge. It somehow messed with the previous owner of the house (whose TWIN gives us the back story to the owners before that and they were TWINS and none of this is making any damn sense, is it?).
Eventually the husband bests the 14-inch figurine by roasting it in the hobo fire across the street, freeing his wife, and the world, from its evil influence.
Or does he…??
UGH. What a terrible movie. Everything is wrong with this film – except the opening song. It IS creepy as hell. It’s the main theme, which in the film itself is more uptempo and sort of haunting. But at the beginning it’s sung acapella style and super slow and breathy. It’s the only good thing in the movie.
The rest is terrible. The characters are unsympathetic and just weak. We don’t care about them at all. The story is so overdone as to be laughable. And the doll action effects are CGI, which look terrible. The close up shots are of a real doll but it’s not terrifying. There was one scene where it’s trying to push the living baby over the balcony but it has to slowly nudge it across the living room. That was not CGI and I laughed my ass off watching it. But I don’t think they meant it to be funny.
I never felt frightened. I never cried or felt an emotional attachment to anyone or anything. So feel free to skip this stinker and rewatch Child’s Play or Puppet Master. You’ll thank me for it.
1 Hatchet (out of 10) – for the opening song.